Friends, Family, and Fall Leaves

The past couple months have been a whirlwind. Having a baby is like a time-warp. I literally wake up in the morning, rush to make a bottle for Mila, try to get myself somewhat ready (who needs a shower everyday?) and by 3pm, I realize that I haven’t even eaten breakfast yet. You literally have to make it a point to make sure you’re nourishing yourself as well as your little one.

After a couple months, I finally started finding a rhythm with Toby where we were able to leave the house a lot of the mornings to enjoy a beach walk, a hot coffee or even a breakfast at our favorite place, Shorehouse.

With time flying by, the reality of having to get the appointments set for treatment began getting closer and closer. I finally got the call to schedule my first appointment in Portland. It was hard to book everything knowing that I’d be away from Mila for that time. The idea of worry, loneliness, missing my girl, missing my husband and family – and then having to meet with a new doctor was overwhelming to say the least.

My sweet friend, Alisha offered to accompany me on my first trip to Portland. She knew I needed a sound mind to listen at my oncology appointment and keep me company. I needed my mom to stay here and assist Toby in helping take care of Mila. Even though I have confidence he could do it alone, I really don’t know HOW single parents do it. Seriously, they must be superheroes.

October 21 – we left for Portland. This short, little trip for plane tickets, car, and board alone cost over $1300. The idea of having to deal with chemo/radiation, travel away from my baby, and now having to deal with expenses and stay on disability is a ridiculous burden that I’m sure the majority of people dealing with a medical issue have to face.

I was so thankful that Alisha was there to take some of the stress off.

The meeting with the oncologist was not what I was expecting.

I had to pry information from the doctor. I questioned if this was the right route for me. And worst of all – I left with more doubt and questions than I arrived with.

I found out the cancer had spread.

It was now on my clavicle, rib, and liver – in addition to the ones found during pregnancy – two on the hip, one of my femur, and one on my pancreas.

I was told that the treatment is $600,000 and insurance will likely only cover one treatment. The treatment, Azedra, will only cause the current tumors to stop growth, not disappear, and will not combat any future appearance of new tumors.

With these things in mind – I left questioning if I “pull the trigger” now, if it’ll be too early. Do I stop and wait for more tumors to possibly come in the future to stop those too? Insurance will only cover one treatment, so am I SOL then?

The way the doctor presented these ideas, lacking better words – was just bullshit.

Time to make some decisions.

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