I’m now a mother! Something I never thought I’d be able to achieve. When people say it’s HARD, they aren’t joking. Having kids is not for the faint of heart. It’s truly the hardest, best, and most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.
Mila Reu is our little IVF miracle and all I really want to do is lay at home with her and cuddle her. Aside from taking care of her though, I know I need to take care of myself. I need to face the reality of what is happening inside my body, yet again.
This time, my thoughts around having cancer has changed. I used to be totally opposed to even accepting treatment from radiation or chemotherapy. I figured if it even got that far, maybe I’ve reached my point in life and I surrender to it.
I had a new purpose in life. It was being the best mother I could possibly be to Mila, and I wouldn’t be able to do it without accepting medical assistance.
The first six weeks of Mila’s life, I was able to relax and not think about the inevitable. I soaked up every snuggle I could.
I went for blood tests in between and didn’t get too much information that was conclusive. In the past, these tumors had never shown up in my blood – which was weird! It typically does, but mine was always an oddball mystery. This time, during pregnancy – they saw it in my blood. Blood tests after pregnancy showed signs of the cancer dropping, however, again these tests were inconclusive because in the past, no matter how big and active the tumor was, it never was seen in the blood.
We began scheduling the next step of how and where to get treatment. I found out that I’d need to travel to Portland where this new form of chemotherapy was approved (not yet used on anyone in the US).
When the ball started rolling of getting things scheduled, I found out that I’d need to be in full isolation of Mila. This is heartbreaking to me.
This first trip being scheduled will be about 4 days. I’ll need an MIBG scan, which scans your body paired with a specific nuclear medication injection. I also needed a PT scan. These two scans would tell the doctors specifically what receptors the tumors were giving off and what type of treatment would work best to combat them.
The second trip is what is known as dosimetry. Dosimetry will tell the doctors how much and how fast the nuclear medication will travel through my body. I’ll need to be isolated from Mila for about 5 days at this time.
The third trip will be about 3 weeks after the dosimetry and I’ll be in full isolation. This means I’ll be locked in a hospital room with lead walls and basically no human contact for several days. They scan your body daily to see how much radiation is left. The doctors are anticipating about 10 days isolated from Mila.
The forth trip will be a repeat of the third, but 90 days later.
Aside from being totally crushed that I have to be away from my baby, I’ll be away from everyone, not even near my loving doctors. I’ll just be another patient here. I don’t honestly know why I’m special to my doctors here, I never understood it, but they make me feel loved and special. The doctors in Portland don’t know me, don’t know my stories, my past, my heart. It’ll be a challenge.